A Direct Address to My Father by Cristi Cruz

Dear ghost,

“My number one,” as you would say.

“My princess, my angel.”

I embodied the perfect daughter,

A prodigy in your eyes--good grades, at the top of my class, always participated in school plays.

Our relationship was

everything, but tenuous.

You would always alleviate my sullen mood with jokes at the dinner table and long hours of

baseball.

I was vulnerable.

Vulnerable to your love, your intelligence, your careness, your laugh.

You never castigated me,

Of course, there was no need to.

I would only need to listen to your firm and piercing voice once to stop what I was doing.For

some reason, the change in your voice would scare me.

But that was then.

Now? Tomorrow?

Nothing will ever be the same again.

I lament being a father's girl.

An innocent, oblivious, stupid girl.

Who would always support you even when seeing my mother cry.

Oh, but I was sure blind.

The fights felt like thunder, so I would remain silent, counting the seconds until it passed, sitting

in a dark, cold corner of my room.

You made my mother a prisoner in her own home.

I would watch her sleepy eyes and the sweat on her forehead when she cooked, cleaned, and took

care of me and my brother.

You carried me like a butterfly through an endless pretzel road.

So light and charming, yet so demeaning and dark.

Do I miss that little girl?

The number one?

No,

I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for her death...for your abandonment.

---

Cristi was born in the Dominican Republic, but was raised in Brooklyn, New York. She loves writing

when she feels strong emotions about something. When she suddenly gets a piercing feeling of anger,

sadness, passion, regret, you name it, she writes down how she feels and, somehow, it turns into poetry. Writing poems is her form of self-expression and freedom. Cristi does not write for a particular

audience; she writes for herself and hopes that some people will be able to relate to her writing.

Instagram: cruz.official

Website: https://annikaaguila.wixsite.com//filmphotography

Cristi Cruz